Im here to blog about my dream guy.

Although I have not yet meet him, and maybe there won't be such a guy. =x

Btw, I feel like blogging about my dream guy all because of a sms conversation I have with this guy who says that I am very demanding. So here goes, to prove that Im not!

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First of all, he must be CUTE! Just by looking back at the past, I've realised that my type of guys are those that are cute; maybe then not now. =x

Next, he must be ROMANTIC and SWEET! I can always imagine my dream guy singing David Tao's Ai Hen Jian Dan to me at the seaside, with the sea breeze blowing and sea waves waving.

HAHA. My imagination; but the face of my dream guy is missing la. OPPS.

But this is so romantic!

These are the basic.

Additional points will be...

Creative! This is easy k.

Love music. Cause I love music too!

Like dogs! Cause I love em too! haha.

Brave and courageous. Then can protect me what! =x

That's all.

SEE! IM NOT DEMANDING!

Right? dude.

Chinese New Year should be a happy occasion where good wishes and greetings are exchanged among relatives and friends. The best part of it is to visit houses and spread their wishes around, as well as collecting red packets.

That is how Chinese New Year should be celebrated.

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Mine; somehow is the oppposite.

I was so freaking lonely, sitting on the sofa and did literally nothing at all. Bored till I started drinking and emptied a few cans, which ended me up feeling bloated and skipped my dinner after that. Nobody seem to be free anyway. I sounded desperate; desperate for someone to go out with me. How funny. But nobody is free.

>.<

And for today, i sleep and sleep and sleep. Went out for just a while in the afternoon. That's all.

Chinese New Year, more like off-days for me than a festive holiday.

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DESPROSS : A new term for female-despo. I invented it. HAHA. Inspired by a despo.

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I know i shouldn't swear during CNY. So no F-word found in this entry.

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I miss the beach. I miss it so much. I miss miss miss it la.

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What a cny, what a year.

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And I think I've changed. I rarely talk to my this particular cousin, but on CNY eve, he asked me about where I wanna go after I've gotten my result. Of course I answered him that Poly is my choice. But he replied in a very serious manner, saying that it's better for me to get a degree than just a diploma. His seriousness made me feel... ahemm. Unexplicable.

Whatever. I know that in the eyes of all my relatives, I've changed. From the way they looked at me, it is so freaking obvious.

Im not in a very good mood.

Not in a very pleasant mood.

Not in my normal mood either.

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All because of that.

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It's always like this. Although I've no reason to feel such a way anymore, but the sight of it just send my mood down to the pit.

It's like this, right now!

ffffffffffreeakk.

And i hate it.

I have to have a break.
Or else tomorrow will be hell for me.

How.

Am.

I.

Going.

To.

Survive.

wtf, wth, wtfh.

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)&@#$(^#&$^)&$&*#(&(#^@# *(^$&#(%$))*^#^*!!!!!

Everything is going the wrong way for me.

Firstly, I started missing someone; someone who i took a wholly year to forget. Apparantly, I din't manage to forget. This seems ridiculous. Yes it is. It's like : WTF. 1 whole year still not enough. =x

Someone shoot me!

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Secondly, I am working like mad to prove myself but on the other hand, I have the full intention to quit.

Someone shoot shoot me!

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Thirdly, I shopped the whole of Orchard as well as Bugis but bought nothing in the end. So frustrating. And it sounds pathetic enough.

>.<

Someone shoot shoot shoot me!

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There's moreeee...

So someone, shoot shoot shoot shoot ME!

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Pls, i feel like as if im a dead fish now.

Maybe that 'someone' i have mentioned earlier on in this entry can give me some genki. lol.

OMG. I shouldn't be thinking about this.

I need to de-stress!

someone, SHOOT ME LAH.

wth.

I had just boarded the bus and was about to tap my ez-link card at the card reader. Everything went as per normal but out of a sudden, I heard something.

" NABEI CHEEBYE."

Wow. Must be a golden-hair-with-countless-piercings Ah Beng being 'buey song', commonly known as 'unhappy' to civilised beings *ahemmmm!*, about some particular matters. Well, my first reaction was to turn around and see how typical this Ah Being would be. But, B U T BUT to my horrible freaking ass-shitting surprise, I saw a lao ah pek!

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-oooooou! WOW.

The first thought that came into my mind: SIA LA. This ah pek so vulgar!

The second thought that came into my mind: Alamak. This ah pek sooo steady la!

Few seconds later, I had somehow recovered from the shock.

My third thought: KAOS. This ah pek wanna act ah beng SIA! So act-beng-buey-beng one. Lack life. Need life. OMG. He's almost 60. No more life. =x *Tsk Tsk*

It's amazing how one's thinking can evolve.

Don't you think so?

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HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

CHINESE NEW YEAR IS COMING.

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Met my dear Marui at 3+ for shopping and all! lol. We went to Bugis. But first to the face shop to get my punch card. Then off to shopping. Pek chek leh. I shopped till the whole bugis turned upside down also cannot find any clothes i like. So Marui conclude that the clothes I fancy are either toooooo expensive or way tooooooo abnormal. lol. How funny.

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I WANT NEW CLOTHES, SHOES, BAGS, ACCESSORIES and MORE!

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Tml, working in Wisma's outlet. Bless me.

It's getting worst.

This scar, that wound, it is hurting like hell right now.

Bloody red and obvious.

Bloody pain.

Bloody contrasting, seeeee la!

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There is so many reasons for me to quit. And there's only 1 reason for me to stay. But that 1 reason is strong enough to rebate those many reasons. How? I need a break, a very peaceful break from all. Everyone is either working or studying, who can i turn to? bla. Enlighten me, someone. Or else i'll go crazy!

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blablablaaaaaaaaaaa. Pay day is coming.

=D

Im vulgar. But SO WHAT? lol.

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If dying is so easy, then why you are still alive? damn attention seeker. Something's wrong with your damn brain. Get a life. Lifeless freak.

Guys, why so childish? fuck off la.

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I have 3 off days all the way till tues. So anyone free to go out? Can happily contact me la.

Anyone out there fancy a game of pool?

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Went Hougang to find mich, yani, kaiyeong, errr.. i forget his name, and some other friends who are related to Ben. We had our dinner and then decided to play pool cuz Mich and I don't know how to play Dota. =.='' Weirdos. They keep chatting about dota and dota and dota, leaving both Mich and I to entertain ourselves. Can you believe it? The last time i played pool was like one year ago? Aye. At first still kind of clumsy. But after warming up, Im still fine. haha.

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Friends, ask me out for a game of pool.

=D

And please take note: Im lousy at pool.

HAHA.

Me, Sq and Masami

haha. Maybe i enjoyed myself. =x

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Met sq at Orchard and off we went to wait for Masami to reach. We walked around Takashimaya and went into Kalm's. Surprisingly la, saw Leonard there and he gave us discount for the piggy we bought for Masami as xmas gift. A very late one, but still better than nothing.

=D

The funniest thing was that we gave the present to her without even removing the price tag, and the receipt was still in the bag. HAHAHA. Blur right. =.= Blur like sotong.

After that we went to have our lunch, then accompanied Masami to her dentist. Then then, we walked to Heeren and lastly starbucks for manicure sessions. Saw Dj btw, but not the first time le la. Hah.

Sat there for hours. And WeiLong came as well. ahhh. Had supper and went home. lol.

I din't manage to get into detail. Cause Im toooooo tired to do so.

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I swear, I hate blisters.

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And I chased another person away.

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Anyway, you can just ignore the previous post. I love all my friends.

All, everyone. =D And they love me too.

HEEE HEEE.

So many things happened in these few months.

Everything seem to be passing by fast without me registering what exactly happened. It makes me wonder how fast time flies. In less than 3 months, I completed that hectic-horrible-tiring-stressful-scary o lvl examination, went to Genting, scolded my cousin and ended up not seeing her eversince, gotten a job which caused my mood to be on a rollar coaster, learnt to be protective and beware that not everyone is kind-hearted, getting numb and feelingless, chased people who care [maybe cared] about me away, swore off relationship, felt tired inside out and outside in, and now, totally lost.

Im exhausted. Fully. Wholly. Whipping whole-ly exhausted. Few days ago, I broke into tears over a small matter that wouldn't cause such a din in the past. For that particular time, it wasn't crying for the sake of that matter. It was all, everything accumilated up together and gotten off at once. Somehow, I have no idea where Im suppose to head towards. Friends? Who does remember me during the holiday? None? no. Just a few. FEW. Pathetic. There is so many things right at the bottom of my heart, so freaking many-much many. Im just wondering. Anyone out there consider me as their friend? As in, true good friend?

I wish to cry out loud with the comfort of a true friend. That's my wish for now. Im a cry-baby. But seriously, why hold your tears back? I cried in the past, knowing that there'll be someone around. But that's in the past. Not now. Im standing alone, very freakingly alone right now.

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Henry's in NS right now. But sometimes he do call me on my mobile, asking how im doing and such. This may be nothing significant but it does touches my heart, knowing that someone does remember me.

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I feel cold day and night recently. Maybe it is due to the weather, or maybe, my world has lost its warmth. It's scary to live in such an icy cold world. Literally cold.

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I miss the warmth I previously had. But i know. It's gone forever.

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I desire a hug, a hug full of warmth, love and hope.

Guiding me back to the right track.

I hate to cry alone.

Im losing everything.

I hate to be judged by the way i look.

Fuck.

%($$%*&%#^^(&$#$#(&^)&%#%^ !!!!

Met Sq at Orchard at noon and started our 'journey'. haha. Went to Far East for color job. Purple for me and red for her. We waited for damn freaking long! =x But the result is not bad and my hair is soooooo straight after that.

Decided to shop around but couldn't really find any nice looking clothes or accessories. =.=''

Had dinner with Masami at Taka.

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stupid wc ran away.

=.=''

I think and i think and i think. So this is what happened in 2005.

1) numerous encounter with bitches; 1 tall blackie goldfish and 1 skinny stick insect. =x

2) Broke up with him after 1yr n 1 mth+ [?] around there.

3) Sat beside Yanisa that smarty ass in class.

4) Got close to my girl-friends and boy-friends. Michie n all. =D

5) Had some blog issues with some 'annoymous' LOL. n him as well. fuck.

6) Got a1 for my o'lvl Chinese.

7) Started bitching on my blog. lol..

8) no-commitment stand. It's birth. =x

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So many things went through my mind these few days.

I hate to make choices, especially those that affect others as well.

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Was listening to Colin Raye's song - Love, me. It is about how an old couple fell in love but the girl's parents objected their relationship and all the boo-hoo on them getting to another town and get married. Look here. Lovely old couples are just too sweet and great to be around. They remind us how beautiful love is, the purity and trust and all involved. But not all relationships ended up in such a way. To me, such things remain as fantasies. Never in reality. Here's another support for my no-commitment stand as well. AH. Im confused. Is that stand a right one? Somehow, not everyone i know feels that. To the extent that i appear to be heartless and classified as the normal lose-trust-in-relationship-due-to-bad-ones girls who bullshit about how 'love hurts' and keep crying over it. One thing i know for sure, Im not crying at all. How i wish people around me do understand my reasons for that. It does make sense, u know. =x

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During my break, I sort of recalled what happened in the past. About how I hurt someone, causing him to go the wrong way. He never say anything, but i know it's me. Obvious. And I don't want such thing to happen anymore. All I wanna know is how he's doing now..

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Hais. I even lost my style of blogging. Can u see? I no longer bitch about anyone. Cause Im bitching about myself. =x HAHAHA.

No la. Just confused. Please. Someone guide me back to myself?

So Yea? MERRY new year. LOL.

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Just came back from the P&P chalet. Not many people but fun! There's me, kaki, gina, kevin, joshua goh, joshua chia, senrong, hui jie, zhen yong and weilin. =D Mostly from the other P la. Seem like most of my pipa girls pangseh me. Sad lor.

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Reached there after 12 due to wrong direction. And all thanks to senrong. lol. Made him worried cause i told him that im lost. =x Ate some bbq-ed food and drank drinks. Argh. The taste of it still lingers. Arhh. For the first time, beer actually taste nice. Weird.

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After that we went to the beach to play sparkles while some of the guys stayed to play mahjong. Aiya. Just those usual chalet activities. So nothing much to emphasise.

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There's something i must say.

I GTG TO WORK IN LIKE 30 MIN TIME.

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What a happy new year?